


To the End of the World

by happynfluffy



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4057288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happynfluffy/pseuds/happynfluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killian and Emma don't have much more time...this summary is not the best but I don't know how to summarize it.</p>
<p>This story has been the inspiration for a full-length novel.  Available at: http://a.co/f3lQsTV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> My muse is horribly mean to me and haunted me with this...it is not happy or fluffy. Please don’t read if you are looking for that. The angst is strong here...
> 
> Also, I have back stories for what happened before this and if anyone truly wants me to write them, just ask...Again, I am so sorry if you continue.
> 
> This story has been the inspiration for a full-length novel. Available at: http://a.co/f3lQsTV

Queen Emma of the Northern Shores loved her children more than anything in the world.  She delighted in the uniqueness of each child.  She enjoyed the time she spent with them, both individually and as a group.  Leopold David, at almost 18, was the oldest, with fair hair and bright green eyes, he looked like his mother the most.  Ruth Eva, was a beautiful girl of 16, with bright red hair and the same green eyes she was the perfect mix of both mother and father.  The youngest, Quinn Liam, had dark hair and blue eyes the color of forget-me-nots and at 12 he was the one who still shadowed her the most.

Today, she beamed as their father, King Olav, was teaching them how to sail tiny boats in the fountain of the gardens.  Soon her children would begin their adventures as young adults, but even Leopold was enjoying himself this fine day.  He and his brother were merrily making waves to attempt to turn over their sister’s boat.  She in turn was attempting to ram theirs with a reed that she had stolen from the fountain’s edge.  Emma laughed along with her children and avoided the splashing by staying off to the side under her parasol.

Just then, a messenger arrived with a note for the King.  He took it and gave it a brief glance before walking over to his wife and handing it to her.  Emma raised a brow but took the note and looked at it.  She could not help the smile that graced her lips at the words.  She excused herself from her husband and children and then made her way into the palace and set about her errands.  She stopped in at the kitchens and ordered that a tray with food and drink should be brought to her sitting room.  She then stopped by the great hall and asked that their butler please escort their visitor to said rooms once he had been settled.  Having completed her tasks, she went to her own bedroom and studied her reflection in the mirror before removing her outdoor hat and taming some tendrils of hair that had escaped her braid.  Satisfied in her appearance, she entered her sitting room and waited.

Shortly there was a knock on the door and she rose to answer it. 

“Your majesty, Captain Killian Jones” the butler said and bowed to her.

“Thank you,” she nodded to the butler, dismissing him.  “Captain Jones, do come in and be comfortable” She said politely.

Killian bowed, “Your majesty, it is a pleasure to see you” He smiled at her and sat on the settee next to the fire.

“I trust your journey was not too harrowing.  Do you have news?” she asked him.

Killian coughed a moment and then cleared his throat.  Emma frowned but waited patiently.  “Indeed, your brother the king sends his warmest regards.  I have also delivered gifts that he has sent both for you and your children.  I took the liberty of dispersing those to the appropriate servants in your household…I…” his speech was interrupted by yet another cough.

“Captain, are you ill?”  Emma asked, attempting to keep the alarm out of her voice.

Killian smiled and shook his head.  “Nay, tis but a minor thing.  It should resolve shortly.  Might I have a drink?”

“Of course!” Emma jumped up and poured him a glass of the finest rum in the kingdom.  She would say that she preferred it but really she kept it on hand for him.  She handed it to him and he took a hearty swallow then gave her an appreciative smile.

“There, right as rain” he said reassuringly.

“Killian.”

“It is all right.  I am just tired from the journey.  Perhaps you could tell me how your family has been faring these long weeks I was away, while I rest.” He looked at her with great expectations and it was all she could do not to laugh.

Emma began with telling him all about the kittens that were born in the stables and how they piled onto Quinn the moment they saw him and then would proceed to run after him if he tried to escape the barn.   She relayed how Ruth was beginning to show an interest in traveling to other kingdoms on what she termed “diplomatic” missions but that really were just a disguise for going on adventures.  She recounted the events of Leopold’s first council meeting now that he had come of age.  Throughout, Killian’s eyes had become heavier and heavier until he had finally fallen asleep to the sound of her voice.

Emma frowned as she watched him doze.  He was still as handsome as ever, despite the obvious fact that he was indeed getting older.  His once jet black hair was not gray at the temples and speckled with gray throughout.  The gray having the effect of making him look distinguished and wise.  His scruff too was dabbled with gray yet he still maintained it in a length to suggest some nonchalance on his part, though she knew that it required daily maintenance.  What she did not like to see were the dark circles clearly evident underneath his eyes.  Nor did she like the slight wheezing sound that she could here as he breathed.

At length, Emma roused Killian and sent him off to bed after his numerous apologies for losing focus on what her majesty had been saying.  She made a mental note to send one of the physicians to check on him and she promised to see him at supper.  She made it a point to tell him that she was glad that he was back and hoped that he could rest before his next mission for the king.

~~~~~

After a week of Killian being home, he and Emma were taking tea in the garden.  Emma was disturbed to learn that the cough was still present, although Killian tried extremely hard to contain it, going so far as to clear his throat more often and chew on some herb that was supposed to alleviate the tickle.  Emma knew better than to mention it again at this time, for he had already relented in seeing the physician, who had said that it was merely an allergy and would go away with time.  At present, they were discussing, some would call arguing, about the necessity of another diplomatic mission for the king.

“But you’ve only been home a week!” Emma said angrily.

“Aye, but his majesty has said this cannot wait.” Killian replied gently.

Emma stood up, “Does it always have to be you?”

Killian sighed, “Your majesty…”

“Don’t!” she shook her head.

“Emma?  This is my job.  I have no family and therefore I am dispensible.  It is my duty to the kingdom.” He tried to make her see his side.

“You…you are not dispensible.  The children love you as if you were their own blood.” Emma was trying to bite back her emotions with great difficulty.

Killian smiled, “Aye and their ‘Uncle Killy’ plans to keep them safe.  However, there is hardly any danger in this trip.  I am merely taking an urgent correspondence to Arendelle.  It is not even that far.  I shall return in 4 days at most.”

“You are unwell.”

“I am fine, Emma.  You shall see.” Killian gave her a cocky grin and she could not contain the smile that it produced.

Emma gave a long suffering sigh, “Very well.  4 days, Captain.”

Killian bowed, “As you wish.”

~~~~~

Two weeks.  It had been two weeks without his return.  Emma tried to spend her days not thinking about his absence.  They had no word from either him or Arendelle.  They did not even know if he had made it there.  Presently, Emma was attempting to read a book in the library but not seeing the words.  She had been on the same page for hours as she stared out the window, not really seeing the world beyond.  She was so distracted that she barely registered the commotion coming from the hall.

“What on earth?” she asked as she opened the doors and stepped into the hallway.  Just then Quinn collided with her. “Quinn, what is going on?”

“Mother, it is Captain Jones, he has returned and he is ill but is refusing help to his room.” Quinn said out of breath.

Emma’s heart sank at those words and she hurried after Quinn to where two of the king’s guards were attempting to lead Killian towards the directions of his rooms, rather than the throne room.

“Captain Jones” Emma said in her best regal voice.

He turned and Emma gasped.  His face was deathly pale and his eyes so dark and sunken that he almost looked like a skeleton.  He had noticeably lost weight.  Yet his eyes still lit up when they saw her.  He made a stately bow and grinner at her. “Yes, your majesty?”

“You are late” she stated.

“Aye, your majesty, I was delayed first by a storm and then by personal circumstances.  I do apologize and am prepared to give a full report…” his words were cut off by a violent coughing fit that had him swaying slightly as if dizzy.

Emma fought not to run to his side and hold him up by her sheer force of will.  She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Captain Jones, you will allow my guards to escort you to your room forthwith.  I will send along a warm bath and one of the court physicians to attend to you.”

He shook his head, “I do not need…”

“This is not up for discussion” Emma interrupted, “Guards, please escort the Captain to his rooms and make sure my orders are obeyed.”

The guards bowed and proceeded to help Killian.  Emma looked at Quinn, “Go and tell your father the news please.”  Quinn nodded and ran off.

Emma made sure that the bath and the physician were sent to Killian’s room.  She also made sure to tell the physician that if he came back with a diagnosis of “allergy” that he would be finding employment elsewhere.  He was to report to her immediately once a diagnosis was made.  She proceeded to the kitchen where she ordered rum and the special chocolates that were Killian’s favorites.  Once done, she waited impatiently for the physician to find her.

“Your majesty” he said as he bowed before her.

“Do not waste my time” she said impatiently.

“It appears to be something with the lungs.  We could try leeches but the Captain said, and I quote so I beg your pardon, ‘I will not bloody sit her while you torture me with monstrous creatures you daft idiot’ and then he promptly shooed from he his room with the threat of a cutlass in my back if he saw me again.” The physician told her in an indignant tone.

“Is there anything that can be done?” she asked hopefully.

The physician shook his head, “I have only seen this particular malady a handful of times and all with the same outcome.  At most we can make him comfortable if he agrees.  He is a stubborn man your majesty and he refused the potions I have already offered him.  Perhaps you could persuade him?”

“Thank you, that will be all.” Emma said, knowing that Killian would most likely refuse anything that might dull his senses. 

She made it a point to compose herself before heading to his room.  She knocked lightly and waited.  She heard his cough through the door but no other movement.  She knocked again and heard him bid her come in.  Killian was lying in his bed, propped against some pillows.  He was bare chested with the counterpane pulled up across his hips.

“Your majesty, let me just get dressed and I will be with you momentarily.” He said as he started to move.

Emma shook her head, “Rest, Killian.”

“But…” he began.

“FOR ONCE WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME!” Emma shouted.

Killian jumped in shock and looked chagrined.  He slumped back on the pillows.  “Aye.”

Emma cleared her throat.  “Good.  You will rest and stay in bed until you are told that it is ok for you to leave it.  Is that understood?”

“Aye” he said again. “I apologize for the inconvenience m’lady”

Emma choked on a sob, determined not to cry. “Killian, just stop.  Please.  You were never an inconvenience.”

He nodded, “Would you perhaps talk to me until I fell asleep?”

Emma crossed over and sat next to the bed. “Of course.”

~~~~~

Another week had passed and Killian’s condition had not gotten any better.  In fact, Emma swore that it was getting worse and that he was doing his best to hide this fact from her.  Olav had suspended all non-essential council meetings and state visits, declaring the weather too nice for everyone to be cooped up inside.  The court of course knew that the Queen’s most trusted and loyal friend was ill.  They loved their Queen and it pained them that she should suffer such a loss.  They remembered when the Queen’s own father had passed.  She had been in such a depression and the only thing that revived her was finding out that she was pregnant several months later.  She had then nearly glowed with the discovery until the child was born.

Emma was sitting in the garden with her children for afternoon tea.  She had felt as if she was neglecting them these past few days and welcomed the fresh air.  She had even ordered that the windows be thrown open in Killian’s room and that he be allowed to sit on the balcony instead of in the bed.  Her fervent hope was that it would somehow revive him and cure his ills.

“Mother?” Leopold said.

“Hmm, yes?” Emma asked, coming out of her reverie.

“I was just asking what you thought of the new book that Master Lester has written?” Leopold asked.

Emma smiled at him, “I have not yet read it.” In truth she had not been able to focus on anything but thoughts of Killian and was hard pressed to even care about her daily duties.

Quinn spoke up, “Can we visit Uncle Killy?”

“Oh yes mother, perhaps it will cheer him up” Ruth agreed.

Emma smiled at her children.  Killian had always been great with them, somehow knowing what each of them needed when he was with them.

She nodded, “But one at a time.  He tires easily and we would wish that he keeps his strength to fight the illness.”  She missed the look that Leopold and Ruth gave each other.

~~~~~

“Your highness, it is good to see you” Killian stated as he rose to bow to Leopold.

Leopold smiled and hugged Killian warmly, “Please sit Uncle.  You need to rest.”

Killian chuckled, “So much like your mother.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Killian sat back in his chair as Leopold sat across from him. “What brings you to visit a boring old man such as myself?”

Leopold laughed outright, “You are far from boring.  I wanted to visit one of my favorite people.  Plus, you have been missing our sword training.”

“Aye, I do apologize highness.  I have been a bit preoccupied and your mother insists that I not leave my room, though she has finally granted me the leave to move about it as I see fit.” He grinned and raised an eyebrow.

“Mother can be persuasive.   Can I speak frankly?” Leopold asked.

Killian nodded, “Of course.”

“We both know this is bad, do we not?” he asked.

Killian looked away and scratched behind his ear.  “Aye” he whispered.

“Mother refuses to believe this.”

“I know.  I have tried but she will not listen.  What would you have me do?” Killian asked.

Leopold thought for a moment, “I don’t know.  I just wanted you to be aware.  There is one other thing.”

Killian waited for Leopold to continue.  Leopold struggled with what he wanted to say.

“I am afraid.  I am afraid of being king.  What if I am not a good king?  What if my people do not like me and I bring the kingdom to ruin?” He asked.

“Leopold, you will be a great king.  You have your mother’s spirit and your father’s leadership abilities.  I do not doubt that you will be loved far and wide for being just and fair.  It would have been my pleasure to have you as my monarch.”

Killian was surprised again when Leopold let tears course down his face.  “See I am already weak.”

Killian shook his head, “Crying is not a sign of weakness.  It is strength.  Be strong in your emotions always and let your heart guide you and you will be a king of legends.”

“Thank you” Leopold said.

~~~~~

Later, after supper, Ruth made her way to Killian’s room.  She knocked on the door gently in case he was sleeping.  He opened the door and smiled widely.

“Are you up for a chat, Uncle?” she asked.

“Always my dear princess” he replied.

They made themselves comfortable and Ruth reached into her pocket.

‘I brought you something” she said and handed him a handkerchief filled with a bright blue stone. “It is supposed to ward off pain but keep you from being woozy”

Killian took the object, “Thank you princess.”

“Does it hurt much?” she asked as he coughed into his own handkerchief.

He shook his head, “Not too bad.  I’ve had worse.  It feels much the same as when I broke my ribs.”

“Oh I remember that story.  Mother had been furious with you before she had met Papa and she pushed you off the wall into a cart.” Ruth clapped a little with her excitement.

“Aye, your mother had a temper when she was your age” he said as he chuckled, which started a new coughing fit.

Ruth frowned, “When you go, who will tell me of adventures and far off places?  I had almost convinced Papa to let me go on a state visit with you as my escort.  So who will take me now?  Mother and Papa do not trust anyone else.”

“Your parents love you, my princess.  They just want you to be safe.  But I shall tell you a secret, shall I?” he asked.

Ruth nodded her head.

“You just need to remind your mother that she was once young and adventurous.  That she once denied wanting to marry a prince and stay in a castle.  She was quite insistent that she wanted to run away and be a pirate.  She almost succeeded.” He smiled at the memory.

Ruth gasped, “She didn’t?”

“Aye, she did.  Got all the way to the tavern and was busy chatting, well intimidating really, the waitress for information when she was found” he said.

“What happened?”

“I found her before the pirates did.  So when we got back to the castle, she pushed me off the wall and broke my ribs.”

Ruth laughed merrily, “THAT was why she pushed you off?  You probably saved her from a terrible fate.”

“Aye but she believed I had condemned her to a life of boredom.”

“But Mother always said she felt horrible that you were in so much pain afterwards.”

Killian smiled, “Your mother’s heart is pure and so she could not feel good about hurting me.  She just did not think through the consequences of her actions.  She learned a lesson that day and she never took her anger out in such a fashion ever again.”

Ruth nodded.  “I see.”

“Do you” he asked.

“I think so,” Ruth replied, “but I am not quite sure.”

Killian nodded. “Remember this, there is a time and a place for everything.  Explain to your parents that you know your responsibilities and that you accept them, but that you would like to see the realms before you of age to settle down and marry.  They will appreciate your sense of both duty and adventure and you will most likely get what you want while reassuring them.”

Ruth jumped up and hugged Killian.  “Thank you.  You have always known how to get me to see things form a different perspective.”

~~~~~

A few days had past and Killian was getting worse.  Small spatters of blood came up when he coughed and he did his best to hide it from Emma, going so far as to burn anything that was stained in the fire.  One of the physicians, not the original ponce who had wanted to bleed him dry, had demanded that he now remain on bed rest and that visitors be limited to servants that brought his baths and food and the Queen, who refused to be barred from the room.

He was lying in bed reading when suddenly Quinn appeared at his side.  He jumped a little but tried to hide it behind a cough.

“Hi Uncle Killy” Quinn said brightly.

“Bloody Hell, you aren’t supposed to be here” Killian said.

Quinn shrugged, “I know.  But I hardly think it is fair that they let Leopold and Ruth see you and then barred me from coming.”

“Quinn, did you freeze everyone again?” Killian asked.

Quinn shook his head, “No.  I told them I wanted to read in the library and then when the coast was clear I came here.”

Killian laughed, “You are such a tenacious lad.”

“I need to talk to you.” Quinn said seriously.  Killian nodded and patted the spot next to him.  Quinn climbed into the bed and sat cross legged.  After a moment of studying Killian he spoke. “I’m different.”

“Aye, you have magic.” Killian observed,

“Yes, but no one else does.” He said quietly without looking up.

“Your mother has magic.”

Quinn nodded, “So does Uncle Neal.  They are the products of True Love.  But Leopold and Ruth don’t have magic so if Mother and Papa were True Love, wouldn’t all of us have magic?”

Killian thought a moment. “Perhaps it skips around in the second generation?”

Quinn narrowed his eyes at Killian, looking for something. “I don’t think it works that way” he said with finality.

“What are you asking, lad?” Killian asked after a moment.

“Well, I have magic and I don’t look like Mother or Papa.  I love Papa and I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t think he is my father, do you?” Quinn asked seriously.

Killian was silent.  He did not know what to tell the boy and it was not his place.

“Quinn, you are a very astute boy.  I cannot honestly tell you why you have magic and the others do not.  What I can tell you is that you are a very special boy and that you will make your parents proud.” He replied as best as he could.

Quinn thought a moment, “Do you love mother?”

Killian choked and a coughing fit started.  Once it had subsided he answered, “I love all of you.”

“But do you love Mother the most?  Just tell me this one thing.” Quinn prodded.

Killian sighed. “I will love your Mother until my last breath and beyond.”

Quinn nodded and they sat in amiable silence for a moment.

Oustide the door, Emma covered her mouth with her hand and fled down the corridor as fast and as quietly as she could.

~~~~

That evening, Emma was summoned by the physician and rushed to Killian’s room, taking only a moment to wrap a dressing gown around her nightdress.  Once there, she sent the physician away.  She took a deep shuddering breath and then went into the room.

“Hey beautiful” Killian smiled and promptly began coughing.

Emma rushed to his side and gasped at the sight of the blood on his handkerchief.  She went to the basin and grabbed a warm, wet cloth.  She gently wiped his lips and helped lay him back.

“You’ve been keeping things from me” she admonished.

He nodded, “I did not want you to worry.”

“I have worried since the first moment you coughed weeks ago.” She said.

“Aye, but this was too much.”

“Oh Killian” Emma said and a tear fell down her face.

“It’s all right Emma” he tried to comfort her.  She shook her head.  Then she removed her dressing gown and lifted the comforter.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

She lifted his arm and put it around her, then placed her cheek on his chest.  “Shh, Killian….can we just for once forget about the rest for tonight?  Just for tonight can we be together?  You are just Killian and I am just Emma and we are one.”

“Aye, my love” Killian agreed and pulled her closer, dropping a kiss on her head.

Emma started to cry.  “I need more time.”

“I know Emma.  I’m sorry I have failed you.” He said.

She shook her head, “You never failed me.  It is I who failed you.  I should have waited.  I should have known you would not leave me.  I could have made them wait but my mother convinced me to let you go.  I gave up on you too soon and ruined everything.”  She was sobbing uncontrollably now.  Killian held her while she sobbed, rubbing her arm and holding her close.

“Emma, I don’t blame you.  How could I?  You have always been perfect in my eyes.  You allowed me to be near you and that was a balm.  You gave me a life I never thought possible.” He was now unable to hold back his tears.

“It wasn’t enough” she whispered.

His arms tightened around her and he swallowed a lump in his throat. “You were always enough.  Just being in the same room was enough.  I have always loved you.”

“I love you Killian.  It was always you.” She said.

“Aye, I knew.”

Emma reached up and kissed him softly.  It was a kiss filled with lost love and longing.  Shortly his coughing grew worse once again and she helped him through the episode.  When he lay back, exhausted, she looked up at his handsome face and eyes filled with pain.

“Would you like for me to help you feel better?” she asked.

“That would be brilliant, love” he replied through a grimace.

Emma raised her hands over his heart.

“Wait, will it knock me out?” he asked.

She shook her head, “No, it will only mask the pain for a while.”

He smiled and she proceeded to cast the spell.  He relaxed in relief as each breath got eaiser until it almost felt as if he was not sick at all.

“Thank you, love” he said when she was finished.

They talked for a while and Emma could tell that the exhaustion was creeping up on him.  His words were starting to get a little slurred and he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.  He had not slept well in weeks due to the coughing and she knew that she should let him rest but was reluctant to let him do so.

“I think you need to sleep now” she told him.

“Aye, but I don’t want this to end.” He said.

Emma choked back another sob as a tear rolled down her cheek, “Rest now and I will be here when you wake.”

Killian looked at her, “Emma, I love you.”

“I love you as well. Rest” she said and laid down beside him, held in his arms.  He was just drifting off when she decided to tell him one last thing. “Killian?”

“Hmm?” he hummed sleepily.

“Quinn…he’s, well he is…” Emma was struggling with how to tell him.

Killian gave a small chuckle, “I know.”

She raised up to look at him, “You do?”

“Aye…he is the product of true love.  Take care of him for me?” he asked.

Emma nodded and kissed him again.  She lay back down in his arms and listened to his breathing even out into sleep.

Emma did not sleep as she held the man she had loved for so long in her arms.  She wanted him to be at peace even as part of her wanted him to fight like hell.  He had always fought for her and it was time she let him rest.  Sometime in the early morning, she could feel his breathing getting shallower.  Frown lines appeared and she soothed them away.

“Shh, my love, it is ok.  You deserve to rest now.  I love you.” She said as she kissed his forehead, then his lips.  She rested her head over his heart as he breathed his last.  She sobbed for all that she had lost until she had no tears left.  Then she composed herself and called for help.

~~~~~

On a quiet day, the King and Queen and their children attended a small ceremony by the banks of the castle.  Their beloved friend and Uncle, was laid out on a floating funeral pyre.  The Queen had helped prepare the body and known to no one but herself, had placed a beautiful golden swan in his hands.  The very same swan that he had brought back from his first travels in the royal navy for the Princess of Misthaven,  The one that the Queen had worn every day since she had received it from the bright, young Lieutenant.

As the boat was launched and floated out to see, the Queen lit a bright white fireball in her hands and set it afire.  Long after the others had retired to the castle, the Queen watched until the very last flame had gone and the sun had sank into the ocean.

Captain Killian Jones had left all his worldly possessions to the Queen and her children.  Leopold was given his compass, so that he may follow the true path of a great king.  Princess Ruth was given the maps he had hand drawn of all the places he had been so that she might find her way wherever she roamed.  Quinn was given the most curious gift of all for he was bequeathed the _Jolly Roger_.  With the gift of the ship, he was told that she would never lead him astray and help him to follow his heart wherever it may lead.

Finally, Emma was alone in her rooms with what Killian had left her.  It was a small chest that she had yet to open for fear of its contents.  She did so and her breath hitched in her throat.  First there was a buttercup that had been dried – it had always been her favorite flower and they had picked them endlessly when they were teenagers, Killian adorning her head in a crown of them and pronouncing her the loveliest of all maidens in the meadow.  The next item was the Jones emblem from his brother’s sextant case that he had kept on his person his entire life after his brother passed in tragedy.  Finally, there was a note tied around something with a blue ribbon, the color of his and Quinn’s eyes.

Emma unfurled the note and a ring fell out.  It was a beautiful silver band with a small stone set in it.  Inside the band was engraved the words, “To the end of the world.”

Emma read the note and tears streamed down her face once again:

_My dearest love,_

_Our time is growing short and I do not know how to say everything that I must.  The only important thing is to tell you that I love you.  Death will not change that and I will love you even beyond until the universe blinks out of existence and the sky is blackened forever.  You are my heart and I would only wish that you protect it and carry on.  Your children need their Mother to be strong and brave and I have every faith that you will see them grow into wonderful and benevolent rulers.  Many years ago I was prepared to give you this ring and swear my life to you forever.  I was too late and another came and took you away.  I do not blame you for this and in truth you had my oath of forever even without the ring.  I give it to you now as a token of my undying devotion, for even in death I am still yours.  Thank you for everything my love.  Until we meet again, my heart._

_Yours to the end of the world or time,_

_Killian_

~~~~~

Ten years later, the beloved Dowager Queen Emma of the North Shores passed quietly in the night.  She had not been particularly ill and had only retired the night before claiming she was just a little more tired that day than usual.  King Leopold held a state funeral for his mother and the country mourned their beloved Queen.  Leopold had an elaborate tomb built next to his father’s, complete with an effigy in the likeness of the Queen, reposing as if just asleep.  For hundreds of years after, the tomb would be covered in flowers in remembrance of the Queen.

After the mourners had all departed to return to their normal lives, the Queen’s three children stood at the docks next to the moored _Jolly Roger_.  Prince Quinn waved his arms and the ship began to float into the ocean.  Princess Ruth cried on the shoulder of her brother Leopold as Quinn lit a white fireball at his hand and threw it at the ship.  As the ship exploded into flames, one could just make out the outline of the Dowager Queen laid out on the deck.  She had a wreath of buttercups in her hair and on her left hand she had a silver band with a small stone set in it that was inscribed with the words “To the end of the world.”

The three adults watched the fire burn and then Leopold led Ruth back to the castle.  Quinn remained and watched until the ship had sunk and the sun had long left the sky.  He watched the stars twinkling overhead.  “Now you can be together for eternity mother and father.” Quinn said and he would later swear two stars shone brighter in the sky that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian is sent off to war,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the back story for why Emma did not wait for Killian

“It’s too dangerous, Killian.  I shall talk to my father and you can stay behind.  He can reassign you to some other ship or something.” Emma huffed, beginning to walk away from him.

“NO! You will not!” Killian shouted and Emma stopped in her tracks.  He had never raised his voice at her and she could hear the anger in it.

“Excuse me?” she asked incredulously.

Killian sighed and continued in a more reasonable, if not pleading tone.  “Your highness.  I am a Lieutenant in the Navy and I have responsibilities to my Captain and to my kingdom.  I cannot just give up and run at the first sign that what I am doing might be dangerous.  It would be bad form and extreme cowardice.  What would people say?”

“I don’t care what people say” Emma said stubbornly.

Killian nodded, “Aye but you have that luxury which I cannot afford.  I must make my own way and must do what is proper and right.”

“You and that damn good form will get you killed” Emma was getting desperate.

Killian scratched behind his ear and reached out a hand to her arm, “Please understand that I must go.”

Emma looked him in the eyes, trying to hold back a tear.  She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tight as if by sheer force of will she could keep him with her.  He meant so much and she had never told him.  Now he was going off to a war that might never return him.  She started to cry in earnest and he enveloped her in his arms and rested his cheek against her hair.

“I will come back, Emma.  I promise that I will come back” he said softly.

She shook her head, “You don’t know that.”

He chuckled, “Don’t you know?  I could go to the end of the world and still I would come back. I probably shouldn’t but I lo..”  Emma put her fingers on his mouth.

“Tell me when you come back” she said.

“Aye.  I must go now. “ He said untangling her arms and taking a step back.

Emma nodded and composed herself.  “Good speed, Lieutenant.”

“Fair health and sunny skies, your highness” he bowed, gave her hand a kiss and then winked at her as he took his leave.

~~~~~                                                                                          

Three years…it had been three years since the day that he had left.  The war had been over for a year at great cost, though her kingdom and their ally, the Kingdom of the Northern Shores, had finally defeated their enemy.  So many lives had been lost and she shuddered to think of the cost.  Their enemies had used magic in almost every battle and it had drained the resources of both kingdoms until her parents had found that Emma and her brother were able to cast a protection spell over the two kingdoms and everyone in and from them.  The spell was so powerful that it decimated the enemies within their borders immediately.  After that, a hasty treaty was agreed to and the war ended.  But it had been too late for some.

 _It had been near the end of the war when news came of the Battle of the North Sea.  Out of 5 ships in the battle, only one had not been lost and had returned to the kingdom.  Emma heard of the returning ship and ran down through the town at breakneck speed towards the docks.  She ran so fast that the townsfolk swore she was practically flying.  She made it just as the ship was docking but caught short when she saw the name –_ The Mercury _.  Emma’s heart sank as she trudged back up the street and back to the castle.  She waited for the Captain of the ship to make his way to the castle and his reports to her father._

_She was wearing a whole in the carpet when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it to find her mother on the other side._

_“What news?” Emma asked._

_“Let’s sit down” Queen Snow said.  She led her daughter over to the settee and both sat down._

_The Queen sighed, “The Battle of the North Sea was not kind to us.  We lost 4 of our best ships.  Emma…”_

_“No, the_ Jewel of the Realm _was not there.  I would know if it was there.” Emma tried to deny what her mother was saying._

_“Emma, Captain Jones was the lead in that battle.  Captain Smith has confirmed that the ship was lost.  They pulled some survivors out of the water but most of the crew was taken as hostages.” She grabbed daughter’s hand._

_Emma yanked her hand back, “Then there is still hope.”_

After the end of the war, it had been agreed that all prisoners would be returned.  They were returned home slowly and Emma’s patience had been wearing thin.  She felt that this was a punishment for being the solution to the war.  The final group came and Emma was summoned to her father’s council room.

_“Emma, please come in and sit down” her father told her._

_Emma warily sat on a chair, perched as if she would flee at any moment._

_“The last of the prisoners have been returned.  Captain Jones is here, we have set aside a room for his use.  He is not well, Emma, but he asked to speak to you.” King David told his daughter._

_Emma nodded, “I shall go now.”_

Emma went and talked to Captain Liam Jones.  It had been a hard conversation.  He believed his brother to have perished in the attack.  They had gotten separated and Killian was not in the group of captives that he had been held with and therefore, seeing as he had not been returned with _The Mercury_ , it was his assumption that his brother was gone.  Emma pleaded with him to reconsider, that she would know if Killian was gone but Liam begged her to see reason.  She had fled from his rooms and refused to speak any further with the Captain.

After the war, relations between her Kingdom and The Northern Shores had grown even stronger.  Prince Olav was a frequent visitor and he and Emma would have lively debates over things as simple as weather you should have sugar or cream in your tea.  She found him to be a pleasant man and they became good friends.  It was a year and a half after the war’s end when her life was turned upside down.

_“Emma” her mother said as she entered the council room._

_“You wanted to speak with me?”  Emma asked._

_“Yes, Emma, your mother and I have called you here to ask you to consider a proposal from Prince Olav.” David said._

_Emma shook her head, “I am not sure that I can do that.”_

_David sighed, “It would be good for both kingdoms…You could”_

_“What about what is good for me?” Emma asked._

_Snow shared a look with her husband, “Sweetheart, it is time that you accept that he is not coming back.  I know it pains you, but Lieutenant Jones is gone.  Prince Olav cares for you a great deal and would give you a good home.”_

_Emma stared in horror at her mother, “What about love?  Do I not get what you have?  I am just destined to be married for convenience?”_

_“He would not have wanted you to be alone the rest of your life” David stated plainly._

_Emma let a tear roll down her cheek, “He promised he would come back.”_

_Snow rushed to her side, “I know.  We just want you to try to be happy and move on.”_

_Emma nodded.  “I will consider it, mother, for your sake.”_

Emma had been married for a week and she and Prince Olav would be returning to The Northern Shores in a few days.  She had conceded to the marriage but had asked that they be married in her kingdom and he had agreed.  She had been reflecting on the past three years.  How she imagined a much different life than the one she had been led to now.  She heard a commotion coming from the courtyard through the open balcony doors.  She went to the balcony to see what was happening but could not make it out as the group moved towards the castle.

Emma went to investigate when she almost literally ran into her mother.

“Emma, oh, perhaps you would like to walk with me in the garden?” Snow said.

“What was all that noise?”  Emma said.

Snow looked away guiltily, “It was nothing, your father is seeing to it.  Nothing that concerns you.”

Emma looked into her mother’s eyes.  “You’re lying.”

“We are just looking out for you,” Snow said and began to ramble, “This is just bad timing and if you just wait then everything will be ok.  You will see.  Captain Jones should have written first and asked permission to talk to you.”

Emma paled at the name.  If Liam was here, then he must have some important news because he had followed her wishes not to see him and had corresponded with her father through intermediaries or private meetings.  She suddenly felt selfish for barring him from a shared grief.  She had lost someone she loved but he had lost the only family he had.  Liam Jones adored his brother and to lose him in such a manner must have torn him.

“I will speak with Captain Jones in my sitting room” she told her mother.

Snow shook her head, “Emma, I don’t think…”

“Mother, I must speak to him.  Please.” Emma pleaded.

Her mother agreed and went off to talk to her father and Captain Jones.  Emma sat as calmly as she could while waiting for him.  He was led into the room with both her mother and father.  Captain Jones bowed and sat when she asked him to do so.

“You wished an audience Captain Jones?” she asked politely.

He nodded, “Your highness, I do not wish to pain you any further on the topic of my brother, however, I felt it my duty to inform you that I found him.”

Emma suddenly felt dizzy and her mother rushed to her side.  After a moment, she tried to regain her composure.  “Excuse me, you found him?” she all but whispered.

Liam looked at her with sadness, “Aye.”

“Is he…where did you…may I see him?” she was a lost for the proper words.

“I am not sure that is wise” David said.

Liam nodded, “Your highness, he is not wholly himself.”

Emma looked between the three people in the room with something between surprise and anger.  “I don’t care.”  She turned to Liam and tried to keep the begging from her voice.  “Liam, please where is he?”

Liam sighed and David spoke up.  “Captain Jones, perhaps if we sent a carriage and some help, we could make the Lieutenant comfortable in some rooms here?”

“Aye, your majesty, that would be most helpful.” Liam replied.

Emma watched their exchange with an eagle eye.  She knew there was something else they were not telling her.

“What happened to him?” she asked.  She watched as Snow and David exchanged a look. 

“We will let you two talk for a moment” Snow said as they left the room.

After they were gone, Emma waited for Liam to continue.  He took a drink of the wine he had been offered, then scrubbed a hand down his face.

Liam cleared his throat, “After we spoke, I recovered from the imprisonment and then I returned to my duties as a Captain in the Royal Navy.  As you probably know, there have been pirates and slavers that we have been dealing with off the shores of the kingdom.  Recently, we were attacked by a pirate ship off the south shore.  It was a close battle but I was able to get the upper hand on them and we were able to take the ship and the crew into custody.   I was inspecting the crew when I noticed on of them in shackles.”

Emma gasped, “Killian”

“Aye.  I hardly recognized him.  They had cut his hair and he now has a scar on his cheek.  He was malnourished and hardly himself.” Liam choked on the lump in his throat.

“But he is alive, Liam.” She tried to comfort them both.

He nodded, “That he is, thank the gods.  Apparently he and two others had avoided being captured but had been skipped in the rescue.  They were found by the pirates and pressed into service.  My brother, being the stubborn arse that he is, had been chained and shackled and never allowed to leave the ship due to his big mouth.”

Emma smiled, “Let’s go get him and return him here.”

Liam took a moment, “There is one other thing, Emma.” 

Emma waited and thought she saw horror cross Liam’s face before he took a deep breath.

“Just tell me” Emma said with barely contained patience.

“They cut off his hand” Liam said.

~~~~~

Emma had been convinced to let Liam go alone, with some of the house servants to fetch Killian to the castle.  In truth she needed to time to compose herself.  She and Olav had talked.  He knew the relationship she and Killian had before the war and he knew that she must be conflicted in her thoughts now.  Olav knew that she had agreed to marry him because she felt it was her only choice.  He was a kind and understanding man and he promised her that they could postpone their trip home if she needed to stay while her friend was recovering.

She knew that he was now in the castle, she had heard the carriage.  She continued to wait while they made Killian comfortable and what Liam termed “presentable to her highness” to which she rolled her eyes in annoyance.  In truth Killian could be wearing a potato sack with pink hair and she would not care.  All she wanted to do was see him for her own eyes.  To see that he was indeed alive and safe and home.  She stopped short at the thought of home, remembering that in a few days this would no longer be her home.  She was in the middle of this musing when Liam at last knocked on the door and entered her sitting room.

He bowed low, “Your highness”

“Cut the crap, Liam,” she said with exasperation, “Just take me to him.”

Liam scratched behind his ear, “He has asked that you not visit, Emma.”

Emma glared at Liam with her hands on her hips. “It is not his decision.  Take. Me. To. Him. Now” and she punctuated the last word with a stamp of her foot.

Liam nodded and gestured for her to come with him.  They walked through the castle to the door of Killian’s room.  Emma took a deep breath, attempting to steel herself for what she would see.

She pushed into the room without knocking.  Killian jumped where he was sitting and his eyes widened.  He struggled to stand and Liam was at his side in a moment to help.  This brought Emma out of her shock.

“Please sit down” she said quietly.

Killian gave a short bow but remained stubbornly standing.

Emma threw up her hands, “Oh for heaven’s sake.”  She stomped over and plopped into a chair.

Killian chuckled and then Liam helped him to sit.  “Brother, I will be near if you need me.” Liam said and left the room.

Emma and Killian stared at each other for a long moment.  It pained her to see him this way.  He was gaunt and tired looking.  An angry red scar crossed his right cheek and his normally neat, long hair was a little messy and cut short.  His normally clean shaven chin and jaw were covered in a light scruff and she tried desperately not to notice the deep purple bruises under his eyes.  Those same eyes that were looking at her both with trepidation and shame.  She let herself linger there for a moment before glancing briefly at his left arm, his sleeve ending where his hand should be but was not.  He made a self-conscious move to place his arm between himself and the chair.

“Don’t” Emma said in a whisper.

“Your highness, I, “ Killian began.

“Killian, there is no need for formalities.” She said.

He looked pointedly at her left hand and she swallowed heavily, suddenly feeling too warm for the room. “This does not change the fact the we are friends” she said.

“Friends” he muttered under his breath and she wished that she could erase the look of hurt that crossed his features.  She moved from her position to kneel beside him.

“Killian, what did they do to you?” she asked.

He laughed humorlessly, “Enough.”

“It matters not.  You are back and that is what is important.  You kept your promise.” Emma said.

“Aye, Emma.  I am sorry that it took me so long to come home.  I was delayed.” Killian said earnestly.  He gave her a weak smile and that was what broke her composure.

Emma threw her arms around his neck and started sobbing, her tears staining his shirts where she laid her head.  “Oh Killian.”

He wrapped his good arm around her and let her cry for both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of how Quinn was conceived (not smutty)

Emma was in the nursery with her children, Leopold and Ruth, when the message came.  They had been having a delightful tea party complete with imaginary guests.  Emma was the magical queen of the fairies while Leopold was a gallant knight who had saved the kingdom from an evil dragon.  Ruth was of course the fair princess who had been locked in the dungeons and rescued by the handsome knight.  The room was full of laughter and joy and the pageboy who had come to summon her to the throne room had been wary of interrupting.  He relayed the message that King Olav required her presence and she left her children in the care of their nanny while she dusted off the glitter that had served as her fairy dust.

On the way to the throne room she met up with Killian, who it appeared had also been summoned and he offered to escort her the rest of the way.  Emma took his offered arm and they walked in a companionable silence.  Upon entering the throne room, Killian bowed to Emma and then to her husband.  He waited while Emma took her seat on her throne and then looked at King Olav with expectation.

Olav looked from the letter in his hands  first to Killian and then to Emma.  He wiped a hand over his face and cleared his throat.

“Olav?  What is it?” Emma asked with growing trepidation.

“My darling, it is with great difficulty that I must tell you that your father is very ill.  It is believed that he will not recover and your mother has asked that you return to visit.” Olav said gently.

Emma gasped and her hand flew to her mouth.  She shared a look with Killian and then she turned back to her husband.  “I will make arrangements to go immediately.  If I ride instead of take the carriage, it will be faster.”

Killian spoke up, “By your leave, your majesty, I will go and make arrangements for you.”

“Wait, Captain Jones” Olav stopped him, “I agree that her majesty should return to her mother as soon as possible and that you should accompany her on this journey.  However, there is further news that I must share with you.”

Killian gave a short bow and waited.

Olav hesitated and Emma put a hand on his arm to reassure him.  He smiled gratefully then looked at Killian with sympathy.  “Killian, it Is with regret that I must inform you that Captain Liam Jones has died while serving in his duties to King David.”

Killian’s knees buckled and without thinking Emma rushed to his side.  Olav stood also and came to his side, laying a hand on his shoulder. “I am sorry for your loss” he said and left the two of them alone in the throne room.

~~~~~

Emma and Killian journeyed back to Misthaven with a small retinue of only 4 guards.  Emma felt that if the 6 of them rode hard, then they could make it back faster and she was correct as they made the journey in only two days as opposed to the four it would normally take.  They arrived back just as the sun was setting and were immediately shown to their rooms.  After a brief rest, they were led to the sitting room of King David’s rooms where Snow awaited them.

Snow related the story of what happened to them as best she could.  David and Liam had been returning from a visit to the shipbuilder, who had been commissioned with a new design, when they were attacked by thieves on the road.  The guards, Liam and David had fought them off valiantly and had eventually gotten what they believed was the upper hand.  Two of the guards had been lost but the other two had been able to return with David and Liam.  Both David and Liam had injuries but nothing that appeared to warrant over concerm.  Liam made it all the way back to the castle before collapsing in the courtyard.  It was then discovered that he had been stabbed in the shoulder with a weapon laced with poison.  Upon this realization they also found that the scratch mark on David had also been laced with poison.

Liam, having been exposed to a greater dose of the poison, died that night and that was when the messenger had been dispatched to Emma.  The physician’s gave a sour outlook on the prognosis of David recovering but as of now, he was still with them, thank the gods.  There would of course be a funeral with full military honors for Captain Jones and they had waited to proceed until Emma and Killian could return.

Snow was distraught and unable to carry on further.  Emma comforted her mother and watched Killian struggle with the news of how his brother had died.  She longed to help him but her mother was her first priority.  One of Snow’s trusted advisors, Grumpy, asked Killian if he would like to see his brother.   He nodded and was led away.

The next morning, Captain Liam Jones was laid on a barge and set to sea.  Emma offered to do the honors of setting the barge aflame and Killian accepted gratefully.  The ceremony was a quiet affair but well attended as Liam had been very loved by his men.  The other officers took it upon themselves to offer their condolences to Killian and he stood stoically throughout the ordeal.  Afterwards, Queen Snow led him to a small room where Liam’s things had been taken.  She presented to Killian the sextant case and sextant that she and King David had gifted Liam years ago upon his attaining the rank of Captain and told him that it was Liam’s last wish that it should be passed into him.  Killian nodded his thanks and Queen Snow gave him a brief hug.

Once she had taken her leave, Killian crumpled to the floor sobbing and Emma did her best to hold onto him while he did so.

Later that day, Emma was summoned to her father’s chambers and she went only to find that it was his last hours.  She and her mother stayed with him until the end and it pained her to see how heartbroken her mother was when faced with the reality that David would indeed not pull through.  Emma let her tears flow freely and kissed her father’s forehead one last time.

The day after, the King was given a proper funeral complete with pomp and circumstance.  The Queen was helped throughout the ceremony by her children as it was clear that part of her heart was now gone.  She lovingly kissed her husband one last time and then the ordered that the funeral pyre be lit.  Many would say that Queen Snow was also burned that day as she never regained the light she once had and it was only a year later when she died, most assumed of a broken heart.

~~~~~

Emma lay staring at the ceiling the night of her father’s funeral.  She had cried until she thought she no longer had tears left.  She ached for her lost father and her mother who was left behind without the man she loved.  Emma knew that her parents had a special bond that most people never experienced and she knew that her father and mother had always completed each other.  They had always promised they would find each other and had never let go of that promise even in the darkest of times.  It made Emma think of another promise, “ I will come back”.

 Killian had come back time and again for her.  Even after that first time when she had let him down by not believing in him, he had still come back for her.  When he had recovered from his years as a slave to the pirates, he had once again requested that he be able to serve his King.  At the behest of his daughter, King David had asked Killian if he would consider serving in the household of Prince Olav as a personal advisor and guard to Princess Emma.  Killian had at first denied that was a good idea, but David had convinced him, saying “Your heart belongs near hers even if they cannot be together as you would wish”.

The first years had been awkward but eventually they had settled into a good rhythm and Olav had gladly welcomed Killian’s wisdom, especially in naval matters and dealings with pirates.  When Olav became king, he had gifted Killian with a ship and the rank of Captain.  Killian had jokingly named the ship the _Jolly Roger_ as a tongue in cheek reference to his time as a pirate.  The King trusted Killian and saw that he was a valuable ally in keeping the kingdom safe. 

Emma thought about how much Killian must have given up to be in service to her and Olav.  Sure, he treated her children as if he was the loving Uncle they called him but he had no children of his own and in truth, not even a home of his own.  He had quarters on the _Jolly Roger_ but only used them when he was away on diplomatic missions.  When he was not, he had a room in the castle and he served as a personal guard to her and the children.  She could not recall him having any type of personal life outside his royal duties.

Emma cringed inwardly at her own selfishness.  She had been so consumed with the death of her father that she did not realize how much Killian must be suffering with the death of the last remaining member of his family.  She had allowed him to be alone since the funeral without offering him any solace or someone to talk to.  He had continued his duties as her guard with no complaint at all.  She intended to rectify that situation and she resolved to do it this instant.

Emma threw on a dressing gown and walked out of her room to the room across the hall.  She could tell that he was still awake as she could see the candlelight coming from behind the door.  Emma knocked and then opened the door.  Killian must not have heard her, for he was standing in stony silence staring at the firelight.  Emma’s breath caught in her throat upon realizing that he was shirtless.  She followed the lines of scars all across his back and she felt tears forming in her eyes at all that he must of suffered.  Her sob caught Killian’s attention and he straightened.

“Your highness?  Is everything ok?” Killian asked with concern.

“No, Killian, it is not.” She returned, tears still flowing down her cheeks.

Killian was loathe to see her so upset.  He walked to her and fought the urge to wipe the tears from her cheeks.  He searched her eyes for something to give him a clue of what was bothering her. “I am sorry for the loss of your dear father” he said.

“As am I, but that is not why I am here” Emma said.  She could not help but look down at his chest, the lean muscles covered in dark hair that trailed down beneath his pants. 

Killian noticed where her eyes had wandered and his cheeks and red became stained a violent red.  He scratched behind his ear.  “I apologize your highness, let me become more decent and I will endeavor to help you as best I can” he said formally.

Emma laid a hand on his bicep and shook her head, “Killian, you have been a most loyal and trusted friend even when I betrayed you.  I don’t deserve your devotion.”

“You deserve the world Emma.  I find that I believe it is you who does not deserve a personal guard with one hand, yet you still keep me in your employment.” Killian gave a self-deprecating laugh.

Emma put her hand on his cheeks, forcing him to look in her eyes. “I would give you much more if it were in my power.  I would have you happy with a home and a family of your own.  Not beholden to me or my family out of your sense of duty for what I want.” They were so close that she did not miss the look that crossed his features.

“Emma, it has never been a burden for me to serve you.  You must know where my heart lies” he spoke softly afraid of breaking the spell.

“I have been so selfish the past years.  I have tried not to think of the sacrifices that you have made for me.  I have let you mourn the death of your brother alone and he died trying to save my father.  Your family has given so much in service to mine and I would wish to rectify the situation.  You must know Killian that I would release you from your vows of service if you wished it.  I do know that you love my children as if they were your blood and that you are loyal to my husband but I am positive that Olav would not be adverse to setting you up comfortably or even allowing you to choose your home wherever you wish it to be.” Emma was terrified that Killian would indeed wish to be something other than her personal guard but she felt honor bound to release him if that was his wish.

Killian allowed himself to rest his forehead against hers.  “Emma, my home will always be with you.  I know you belong to another but I must tell you that my soul aches when we are apart.  A piece of me dies inside every time I must leave on a mission and is reborn the minute I see you again.  I could never leave you even if you asked it of me.”

“Killian” Emma choked out and then she kissed him.  She had resisted him for so long and she had sworn that she would be faithful to her husband, but in this instance her heart was yelling so loud for the man in front of her that she did the only thing that would alleviate the pain.  Killian stiffened for only a moment before his arms were around her.  They kissed until neither one of them could deny a breath for any longer.

Emma clung to Killian and he buried his nose in her neck, attempting to regain some semblance of calm.  Emma thought for a moment and then she left his arms.  Killian’s shoulders slumped as he realized the mistake he had made, “Forgive me, I…” he trailed off as he saw Emma shut the door and lock it.  She removed her dressing gown and he swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat.

“Emma, we can’t” he said.

Emma shrugged, “Killian, I need you.  Please?”

“It’s not right.  It will ruin you” Killian groaned as Emma returned to him, lightly stroking her hands over his chest.

“Shh” she said as she put her fingers on his lips. “Just this once, please Killian.”

He groaned, unable to deny her anything.  “Aye” he said and kissed her as if she was the only thing tethering him to this world.

Killian made love to Emma and was so wrapped up in her that he did not notice the candles that flickered to life around his rooms.  They stayed with each other throughout the night and she left early in the morning to return to her rooms but not before watching him sleep for a moment.  This man, whom she loved above all others, was the most handsome and forgiving man she had ever known.  She let a silent tear fall for all that they might never experience together.

Later that day, Emma sought Killian out, for she had not seen him since their night together.  She found him sitting in the meadow, twirling a buttercup in his fingers lost in thought.  Emma sat next to him and for a while they did not speak.  She studied his profile and he finally looked at her.

“I thought I would find you here” she said.

He nodded, “Aye, this place holds happy memories.”

“From a time when we were free with the whole world ahead of us.” Emma smiled.

“I apologize for my lapse in judgement.  It can never happen again, Emma.  It would put you in danger and I would not forgive myself if any harm came to you.” Killian looked at her with remorse and guilt.

Emma huffed, “Do not apologize to me.  I agree that it can never happen again but it was the happiest night of my life.”

Killian looked astonished, “You mean that?”

“I do.  It was everything I hoped for and more.  Killian, if I could go back in time and change everything I would.” Emma said sadly.

“I know, love.” Killian said.  He lifted the buttercup and put the stem behind her ear.  “Still the loveliest maid in the meadow.”

Emma laughed and rested her head against his shoulder.


End file.
